Cock warming is not even always explicitly sexual, though it does often lead to further sex, either through beginning to incorporate movement, such as thrusting, or changing to a different sex act altogether. Despite how common cock warming is, it isn’t widely heard of. However, as a kink, it’s neither obscure nor does it require any specialist equipment, training or particular preparation.
Cock warming can lead to further sexual play, but it doesn’t always have to be explicitly or solely sexual. For some, it can be more about comfort, subservience or creating a deeper emotional bond as a form of erotic cuddling.
People in BDSM dynamics may also enjoy it as a kink to explore domination and submission, where it can be an act of domination or submission for either partner depending on the context and dynamic.
Here, we explore what cock warming is, why people like it, and how to do it.
What is cock warming?
Cock warming, sometimes called “soaking”, is the act of someone with a penis keeping it ‘warm’ in (most typically) the mouth, anus or vagina of their partner. Generally, it involves keeping still and not thrusting or grinding. It’s an intimate act that can be used to build sexual tension and frustration, as well as feelings of connection and intimacy, or feelings of closeness. It can be about teasing, intimacy, domination, submission, or service. Cock warming can lead to further sexual play, but it doesn’t always have to be explicitly or solely sexual. For some, it can be more about comfort, subservience or creating a deeper emotional bond as a form of erotic cuddling.
How to do cock warming
There are different ways to practise cock warming. It can be done orally, vaginally or anally and can be enjoyed before, after, or separately to sexual play. It can be a form of foreplay that leads to further sexual experiences, or a form of teasing and denial that is enough in and of itself without further sexual experiences.
Some people might like the physical sensation of warming a cock, or of having their cock warmed, while others may use it as foreplay, and others still may enjoy cock warming for the psychological elements it can offer.
To do it, the partner with a strap on or penis places it in their partner’s mouth, vagina, or anus then holds it there. Some people prefer oral cock warming because it doesn’t matter as much whether the penis is hard or soft, meaning the act can last longer. However, if you are practising oral cock warming for an extended period of time, make sure both of you are comfortable throughout the act, and the individual with the cock in their mouth is not experiencing cramping or jaw pain. “If you’re going for oral cock warming, I would recommend having a non-verbal safeword, like three taps, that can be used to stop the act immediately,” says sex educator Rachel Worthington.
Others might prefer vaginal or anal cock warming for which Worthington recommends using lube. “Just because you’re not thrusting doesn’t mean you don’t need lubrication,” she says, “whether that’s for vaginal or anal penetration. If you’re engaging in anal cock warming, lube is 100% non-negotiable as the anus doesn’t product any of its own lubrication and penetrating it dry can cause discomfort and even injuries.”
Megan, 27, who likes cock warming because of the intimacy it creates for her and her partner recommends starting with “10-20 minutes and then work on getting longer. Find a comfortable position if you go for a long time and let your partner know if you’re doing this as foreplay or not. If you want to do it to be soothed or for that connection then let them know that you don’t want this to turn into a sexual experience. Another pointer is to let your partner know if they can cum in you or not.”
Why do people like cock warming?
While cock warming does often lead to sex, it’s also an intimate act of bonding, and can sometimes be a form of submission with an element of emotional intimacy. Some people might like the physical sensation of warming a cock, or of having their cock warmed, while others may use it as foreplay, and others still may enjoy cock warming for the psychological elements it can offer.
Cock warming is sometimes practised in BDSM relationships. It can be an act of dominance or submission. For vaginal or anal cock warming, the dominant could, for example, sit on their submissive’s penis or strap on and make them stay perfectly still while the dominant reads a book, goes on their phone, watches TV or generally teases and ignores their submissive, teasing them and maybe even masturbating while still forcing them to stay still. In this scenario, the dominant gets to watch and feel the submissive squirm with frustration, and they may even get to enjoy the treat of the sub begging to be allowed to thrust.
Alternatively, if the Dominant is the one with the penis or strap on, they can put it inside their submissive’s mouth, vagina or anus and tell them to stay perfectly still. The submissive might get turned on by being teased or used, enjoy it as an act of service or love the physical sensation itself. In turn, the Dominant might get turned on by enjoying it as an act of service and the feeling of being in control.
Cock warming doesn’t always lead to sex. For example, the submissive might hold the Dominant’s penis in their mouth but be forbidden from enjoying performing oral sex or making the act sexual. Some people find cock warming comforting rather than sexual and it can be used as an act of aftercare following a BDSM scene. Some submissives report reaching a state of calm, also known as sub space, through the act of cock warming.
“I really enjoy the comfort of cock warming,” says Ashley, 35. “I have a lot of anxiety and it gives me a way to calm those feelings. I have fallen asleep with my partner’s cock in my mouth. It’s not always sexual. I just enjoy the sensation and I don’t feel pressured to always ‘finish.’”
Megan agrees. “I have an oral fixation so having it in my mouth is relaxing and soothing. It doesn’t always start sexual, but it generally leads to sex.”
Cock warming: an easy way to introduce kink into your sex life
However you decide to explore it, make sure you communicate with your partner about what you feel comfortable with and what part of the fantasy turns you on. It could lead to a deeper emotional connection, to some extremely hot sex, or it could be a new way to incorporate playing with power dynamics.
Sophie Lou Wilson (she/her) is a London-based writer specialising in sexuality, culture and mental health. You can follow her on Instagram at @slwilson