What Is A Fetish?
Here is a definition to get us started.
WebMD:
A fetish is sexual excitement in response to an object or body part that’s not typically sexual, such as shoes or feet.
Many people with fetishes must have the object of their attraction at hand or be fantasizing about it, alone or with a partner, in order to become sexually aroused, get an erection, and have an orgasm.
A person with a fetish might masturbate while they hold, smell, rub, or taste the object. Or they might ask their partner to wear it or use it during sex.
A fetish is getting off on something, be it an activity or an object, where said object or activity IS the reason for arousal.
A fetish is a fixation, which, if sexual in nature, can be slipped into your sexual repertoire. A sexual fetish isn’t defined by the object but the role it plays—it’s the fetish that contributes to arousal.
A fetish is different to a kink in terms of the significance of the object or activity. If you enjoy X, that might be a kink, but if you can’t get off or get turned on without X, that’s probably a fetish.
What is fetishising?
The fetishising or fetishing definition is pretty similar to that of a fetish – it’s the act of having a fetish for a particular object or act. However, there are areas where fetishising someone has problematic and negative connotations.
Fetishising people by race, gender or by sexual preference (for instance, the heterosexual cisgender male fetishization of bisexual, cisgender women) can be demeaning and offensive. Stereotypes, clichés, and traits inherent in these kinds of fetishisation are often dehumanising for the recipient of such an action. People are reduced to sexual objects in a way that is not consensual or validating for them, and it’s important to ensure you interrogate where your desires are coming from if you feel they are manifesting in a fetishising way.
Fetish favourites…
Here are some of the most widely searched fetishes. Ring any bells with anyone?
1. Anal fetish
Some of the most common fetish terms researched are ‘anal fetish’ and ‘anal toy fetish’.
You don’t need a fetish to have anal sex, but it’s definitely one of the hottest topics debated.
Plenty of people of all genders and sexual orientations enjoy all things butt-hole related. Anal play offers so many possibilities. The anus is highly sensitive and full of tingly nerve endings, so from external play like rimming and massage to internal play with toys and penetration, the anus offers a lot to explore and enjoy.
An anal fetish can be a beautiful sexual experience. And, if we can offer our three best words of experienced assistance: lube it up!
2. BDSM fetish
With increasing awareness of the BDSM world, the terms ‘kink’ and ‘fetish’ have become interlinked. Terms such as submissive fetish and fetish sex toys are widely searched on Google, with ll kinds of people looking to incorporate some BDSM flair into their sexual play.
Activities such as being blindfolded or spanked could be called a BDSM kink, if they are not necessary for arousal or orgasm, whereas a BDSM fetish would imply a more obsessive affinity to a particular practice or object.
3. Feet fetish
One of the most common fetishes, most people have at least heard of a foot fetish. Feet are packed with nerve endings, making them a ready erogenous zone. It can be all kinds of relaxing to incorporate a foot massage into some slow, sensual foreplay, or maybe the sensation of a tongue on your toes is enough to drive you wild. True foot fetishists often like to enjoy foot worship, and we could all do with taking some time to honour and appreciate our feet.
4. Cunnilingus fetish
Cunnilingus is the fine art of giving oral sex to anyone with a vulva.
Using your mouth to lick, suck, and even bite is a sex act that doesn’t need to involve penetration. It’s an act so intimate that it’s easy to see why folks could get a taste for it, if you can excuse the pun…
This fetish is for those who have developed a compulsion to deliver an orgasm using the glorious tongue approach. Who needs a penis!
5. Spanking fetish
Often a kink, spanking becomes a fetish when needed for arousal or sexual satisfaction.
There are many theories as to why spanking is sexually enjoyable, from the physical (that it causes blood to rush to the buttocks, impacting the nearby genitals) to the psychological. The latter can range from an enjoyment of feeling humiliated or powerless to revelling in a sense of love and attention that being disciplined can bring.
Putting all the fetish factors together…
Although fetishes are becoming more mainstream, they can still be a fairly stigmatised subject. These five examples don’t even begin to touch the sides of the vast world of sexual fetishes, and depending on what it is that you like, introducing a kink or fetish to a partner – or even admitting it to yourself – can sometimes feel a little bit intimidating.
If we can offer any words of comfort, it would be that you are most certainly not alone in your sexual interests. If you have an openly communicative relationship with your partner/s, see how it feels to talk to them about this. Alternatively, for every fetish, there’s an online forum. See how it feels to connect with like-minded people to talk about your kink or fetish, keep an open mind and don’t judge yourself for your interests.
However, if your fetish is causing you distress or interfering with your everyday life, it may be worth seeking advice from a sex therapist or counsellor. Check out this article for more information and advice.
Want to learn more about fantasy, fetish, kink and
Written by the Killing Kittens team.