Language Note: This article and the terms used within are intentionally gender non-specific, as we intend for this piece to be broad in gender application. The words “penis”, “balls”, and a few other anatomical terms are used with absolutely no gender specificity assigned to any term. We would like to acknowledge that not everyone with these general demonstrations of physiology uses the same words to describe their parts and that not all bodies appear the same or function in the same way. It is our intention to be mindful and inclusive of trans, enby, GNC, gender expansive, 2 Spirit, and intersex experiences as we want the information contained within to benefit as many expansive identities as possible.
We hope that you enjoy reading this article and that it helps you to find new ways to experience and or give pleasure! We welcome feedback at editor@wearekk.com
Going beyond what we’re used to doing
We know that there are numerous erogenous zones on the body. Each partner will have their favourites, and they’ll probably want different levels of stimulation at certain times too.
The areas we usually focus on for hand jobs are the head of the penis, the perineum and the anus. Gently playing with the balls can also be very pleasant. This is what we often tend to focus on, because it’s “supposed” to work – aka. result in an orgasm.
But knowing those “buttons” can also trap us into gibing a hand job in the very same way. Stroke here, scratch here, pinch here – you know what they like, so let’s do it in that way, right? Wrong! This can work great for a quickie and you’re both very aroused already. But what about those times where a little more excitement is needed?
Anticipation
Anticipation is one of the pillars of an amazing hand job, and great sex in general. If the brain can predict what’s coming next, first of all, it feels less exciting. Secondly, there’s then an increased pressure to perform and climax “on time”.
When we change techniques, when we explore and touch our partners’ bodies in different ways there’s more arousal, more connection, more unknown, and the sensations can be way more intense.
When your partner doesn’t know what happens next, there is no expectation, and no pressure to orgasm after a certain stroke. This means you can both explore and play, discovering what feels best in the moment.
The what, where and how of an amazing hand job
When you experiment more, you’ll get much more from it than just knowing that your partner is satisfied. You’ll notice that your mutual connection will become stronger too. But my favourite thing about experimenting with techniques, is how self-empowering they can be. You’re playing with buildup and edging your partner. You’ve got full control over their experience. You’re making them feel a way they’ve never felt before. You’re owning it!
In my years of learning and teaching hand job techniques at Secret Sauce Angel, I’ve come across 110 different techniques as a foundation, and the list is constantly evolving! Some have been passed on for centuries without changes (so you know they must be good). But you can create your own too, by using one main principle and the tips below.
The core of many of the techniques lies in not only focusing on the most sensitive parts of the genitals, but also in caressing and stimulating your partner along the whole “pleasure line”. This pleasure line starts with the urethral opening and goes down through the frenulum, the penile raphe, the scrotal raphe and the perineal raphe, and ends with their anus. The secret of creating sequences that can take your partner to heaven is in playing through as much of the pleasure line as possible. Just like with tantric massage, the pleasure is elevated when the giver maintains constant skin-to-skin contact with the receiver.
Illustrating The Point…
Take a look at this diagram of a circumcised and uncircumcised penis to get familiar with general penis anatomy. You can also take a peek at Hillary Wilson’s phalloplasty medical illustration to gain insight into how some penises can look and function. Wilson’s whole phalloplasty series is linked here, with a note that the series contains some illustrations of surgery. Healthline has more detailed articles on both phalloplasty and metoidioplasty (another lower surgery used to create a neophallus), and this piece from Folx is an informative, illustrated look at some of the common bottom changes trans masc people may experience when taking testosterone that could be helpful for giving better hand jobs to these types of bodies, among other things.
Of course, every penis is different, and every person who has one will have different things that they particularly enjoy when it comes to touch. This is just a general guide of where you might like to explore – the real key to great hand jobs is communication between partners.
The waterfall
The waterfall is a simple but amazing technique. It’s great to do at the beginning when lubricating your partner. It’s also very intense and can make some partners orgasm fast! It creates a sensation that their cock is entering a body for the first time, and then doing it over and over again. The penis-owners I know say it’s a mind-blowing sensation.
Grip the glans of your partner’s cock with your hand in a way that your thumb touches or tries to touch your index finger to create a ring. Keep the other three fingers close to each other while holding their shaft. You want the grip to be quite tight. Communicate with your partner to ask what feels good and if they want more pressure.
Now maintaining this grip, slowly slide your hand down to the balls. As your hand gets down to the root of the shaft, start the same sequence with your other hand, maintaining the skin-to-skin connection. Repeat a few times with each hand.
If you’re doing this technique when lubricating and arousing your partner, do it slower and more sensually. If you’re using it to make them cum, move your hands a bit faster, and observe their reaction.
Spider
For this technique, your partner should be lying on their back. The best position for you would be sitting on your knees between their thighs, or to one side.
With one hand, hold the head of your partner’s cock or caress it gently, while slowly running the other hand up the cock, rippling your fingers as if your hand was a spider. Your palm, wrist and arm should follow your fingertips all the way up, so you are touching your partner’s skin all the time. You can start at the root of their cock or with their perineum, and go all the way up to their belly and gently caress that too. Repeat this a few times.
As a general rule, balls do not like being tapped on. You’ll tap on the raphe, not the balls. Check in with your partner as to whether light tapping on their balls feels good to them or not.
The Spider probably won’t make your partner cum, as it’s a caressing technique. But there’s a great power behind it. It’s not just about the touch, it’s also about the attitude. Have fun with it!
Soap
This technique focuses on the head of the penis, allowing you to run your fingers around their glans, corona and frenulum.
Put your palms together around their glans, and rub your palms against each other and around the cock as if the cock is a bar of soap.
For some bodies with certain types of cocks, the head or tip can be the most sensitive part, so the Soap technique will give your partner thrilling sensations. But be mindful, the head can get too sensitive quite quickly in some people, so don’t do it for too long, and don’t do it just before they orgasm, if that is going to happen. Watch your partner for any signs that it’s getting a bit too much, and keep communicating as you play.
Creating your own hand Job techniques
Having tried (or imagined) the techniques mentioned above, you can now move on to exploring your partner’s body, and even try coming up with your own amazing hand job techniques.
Try caressing, stroking, gently scratching, or gently tapping various areas (except the testicles). Explore squeezing their shaft with your hands. See how it feels for you both when as much of your skin is touching their skin and genitalia as possible. Combine hand and mouth movements. Add sex toys. The possibilities are wonderfully limitless.
Lube
While there are techniques which can be performed without lube, the general rule for the ultimate hand job is to lubricate the cock – a lot. Using saliva is great for oral sex, but if your hands start playing with their cock, the chances are you’ll need lube.
Feedback
When trying new techniques and exploring bodies, feedback is crucial. But when asking for feedback, remember to find a balance. It can be very off-putting when a partner looks up after each movement with a big question in their eyes and asks “how is this?”
If you have a list of sexy things you want to try, you may both agree to turn it into an experimental game, in which you go through each item one-by-one and share feedback. But if that’s not what you’re going for, maybe have a conversation before you start. Make sure your partner will tell you if something feels uncomfortable, but leave the rest of the feedback until after you finish – it makes for great pillow-talk.
Having shared these little but stupendous secrets, I hope you’ll feel even more confident to experiment during your next play. We envy your partner – they’re about to experience the best hand job ever…
Angel (she/her) is a certified sex trainer. She knows 110 handjob and 38 blowjob techniques and teaches lovemaking secrets at secretsauceangel.com.