Language Note: This article and the terms used within are intentionally gender non-specific, as we intend for this piece to be broad in gender application. The words “penis”, “cock”, “clit”, “testicles” and a few other anatomical terms are used with absolutely no gender specificity assigned to any term. We would like to acknowledge that not everyone with these general demonstrations of physiology uses the same words to describe their parts and that not all bodies appear the same or function in the same way. It is our intention to be mindful and inclusive of trans, enby, GNC, gender expansive, 2 Spirit, and intersex experiences as we want the information contained within to benefit as many expansive identities as possible.
We hope that you enjoy reading this article and that it helps you to find new ways to experience and or give pleasure! We welcome feedback at editor@wearekk.com
What Is A Blowjob?
In this article we’re using the terms blowjob, giving head, fellatio, penis and cock, but we’d encourage everyone to find what language feels best for them, whether you’re using a different anatomical term (such as “clit”), other slang or colloquial language, or terminology you’ve created that’s entirely your own! Often these kinds of articles can feel like instructions from on high, telling you that there’s one right way to do things and many wrong ways, as well as specific language you should be using. When it comes to sex, there is no “should”. It’s a personal odyssey of pleasure, joy and curiosity. You get to write the script in collaboration with any partners who want to join you on your journey.
So let’s get started!
Why Give A Blowjob?
People may love giving and receiving blowjobs for so many reasons. As a giver, you can be dominant, submissive, playful, aiming to please, worshipping. There is such a wide spectrum of how this act can function and feel. Being in charge of a partner’s ecstasy can feel powerfully arousing, whatever role you might be taking on.
For the receiver, there can be dominance, submission, the erotic charge of being worshipped, and also very unique sensations which perhaps other types of penetrative sex cannot offer. You’re not only entering a warm, moist place with a sensitive part of your body, you’re also getting stimulated by the muscles of the mouth and tongue. Plus you can get exciting new views of your partner from different angles… there’s a lot to like, that’s for sure!
Blowjobs are not compulsory nor expected. If you don’t feel like giving one, or receiving one, then don’t. A blowjob is about both parties’ pleasure after all. Communicate with your partner, and if there’s something else you’d rather do, sexual or otherwise, let them know.
However, not everyone loves to give or receive fellatio, and this too is totally wonderful. It doesn’t make you a bad lover to have boundaries, preferences, or to be unenthusiastic about some types of sex. On the contrary – knowing what you do and don’t like, and communicating this to a lover, is a powerful way to ensure everyone’s pleasure. And there are beautiful ways to find consensual compromise.
Blowjob Tips For Getting Started
Blowjobs are often considered to be a part of foreplay, but like many things in sex (except consent) it’s not a hard and fast rule. A blowjob can be the whole sexual experience, or you can stop penetrative sex and continue with oral. The goal of a blowjob should never be assumed to be orgasm or ejaculation, either. If an orgasm or ejaculation is possible and is something you and your partner both want from the blowjob, that’s great. The common conception that orgasm is the end goal of all sex is harmful, however, sidelining people for whom orgasm may be very difficult, or not possible, as well as putting pressure on people who can come to have fireworks every time. Taking the aim of ejaculation or orgasm out of a blowjob (or any kind of sex) can make the experience more enjoyable and present for both giver and receiver, as you can both focus on the sensations of mutual, consensual pleasure without worrying about when or if ejaculation will happen. And let us not forget the potential joy of things like edging!
Blowjob Techniques
For some bodies with certain types of cocks, the head or tip can be the most sensitive part. Caressing it can give your partner very intense sensations. On the other hand, if they’re close to an orgasm, stimulating this area may become too much. You can move your mouth more gently or just hold the penis inside, stimulating the shaft or touching other erogenous zones of their body with your hands.
The Wasp Technique
Some partners enjoy their urethral opening (at the tip) being touched with a tongue during a blowjob or while ejaculating. Some people love it and some really don’t, so communicate with your partner about trying it to see if it works and feels consensual for them. Again, it may be way too much – the sensation can be borderline painful so be careful and back off at the first sign of discomfort from your partner! And communicate!
The Wreath Technique
Again this only pertains to certain types of bodies but for some penises below the head can you find the corona – the ring between the head of the penis and the shaft. You can experiment with sealing your lips together tighter around the head of the cock to stimulate it while you’re moving up and down the shaft or by rolling your lips inwards while doing this to create a different sensation.
The Frenulum
Certain types of penises that have foreskin may also have a frenulum. You can also caress the corona while playing with the frenulum, which can also be quite sensitive to touch. The frenulum is an elastic band of tissue that connects the foreskin to the shaft. You can stick your tongue out and play with the frenulum and also move as far to the sides of the corona as possible. Some partners, especially if they are circumcised, find a tongue roving around from the frenulum and under the corona particularly arousing.
Don’t skip the ridges which go from the frenulum down to the anus – the penile, the scrotal and the perineal raphes. Try doing “eights” and “zigzags” with your tongue playing along this sensitive line.
Illustrating The Point…
Take a look at this diagram of a circumcised and uncircumcised penis to get familiar with general penis anatomy. You can also take a peek at Hillary Wilson’s phalloplasty medical illustration to gain insight into how some penises can look and function. Wilson’s whole phalloplasty series is linked here, with a note that the series contains some illustrations of surgery. Healthline has more detailed articles on both phalloplasty and metoidioplasty (another lower surgery used to create a neophallus), and this piece from Folx is an informative, illustrated look at some of the common bottom changes trans masc people may experience when taking testosterone that could be helpful for giving better blowjobs to these types of bodies, among other things.
Of course, every penis is different, and every person who has one will have different things that they particularly enjoy when it comes to touch. This is just a general guide of where you might like to explore – the real key to great blowjobs is communication between partners.
And for bodies that have them… don’t ignore the testicles!
Many people love their testicles being played with. Lick them, suck them slightly, scratch gently with your fingers, make them part of those “eights” and “zigzags” mentioned above. Experiment with the different sensations that can be accessed by making the testicles taut in the scrotum, as opposed to relaxed. But don’t apply pressure to the testicles without asking – it can be excruciatingly painful and may very well kill the mood. Go gently!
Do What You Want
Blowjobs are not compulsory nor expected. If you don’t feel like giving one, or receiving one, then don’t. A blowjob is about both parties’ pleasure after all. Communicate with your partner, and if there’s something else you’d rather do, sexual or otherwise, let them know.
Some people learn a lot of techniques and they want to try all of those out on their partners at once. It’s easy to concentrate so hard on doing the technique right that you forget that sex is, first of all and perhaps most importantly, about enjoying pleasure. Relax. Let go. Have fun. A partner who’s keen to experiment is way more exciting than someone who’s getting too serious about trying to execute a sequence right.
Use a lot of saliva – generally speaking saliva isn’t a great lubricant to rely on, as it absorbs into the skin easily. You can also find a yummy lube for oral sex if you get a dry mouth. Lube will also come in handy (no pun intended) when you add hand caressing into the mix, because just saliva might not be enough if you also add touching with your hands. We really can’t emphasise enough the value of lube for any kind of extended hand play! Lubrication will enhance the sensations, as well as adding some wet, squelching noises which some lovers get extra pleasure from.
Also, don’t be afraid of your teeth. If you are worried about scratching with your teeth, you can try this trick. Touch your hand with your lips and suck it a little, and notice how your lips are protecting the hand by puckering outwards. That (and the wreath technique) is how you’ll keep your partner safe during the blowjob. Trust yourself.
Tips For Advanced Blowjob Technique
Additional Editor’s Note:
Some of the language and imagery on the websites linked below is binary in construction and thus does not address the incredibly vast spectrum of gender, sexuality and gender experience. They do, however, offer advice and techniques that are difficult to find elsewhere, making them a useful starting point for learning about blowjobs.
Killing Kittens is working to improve the language we use across our own sites, social media and editorial content, and is not affiliated with either Secret Sauce Angel or Sh!
First of all, add variety. Try different ways of licking and sucking your partner’s cock. “Zigzags”, “eights”, “vacuum”, rolling your lips inwards and outwards while moving up and down the shaft, hand movements – get creative! For advanced techniques, you can take a course or workshop at Secret Sauce Angel, Sh! or similar schools – specialised training will give you a set of techniques as well as boosting your confidence and being a fun way to spend a Tuesday evening. Keep your eyes peeled for upcoming courses from Killing Kittens too! Second and also very important to note… every body is unique and there’s no universal perfect tactic since bodies respond to touch in different ways.
Work on your partner’s arousal well in advance…
Send a dirty text telling them about the things you’re planning on doing to them later. Flirt with them when you’re out. Make sure sex is on their mind way before it starts. They’ll get lost in fantasies and will be so ready for you when the time comes…
When giving a blowjob, don’t just go for the cock…
Awaken all their senses. Look into their eyes. Caress their body and erogenous zones. Start with hand strokes, squeezing gently. Move on to light licking and sucking, before switching to sucking more and harder.
Switch techniques to build excitement…
As the arousal grows, they will need stronger stimulation, and licking gently at this point will just not be enough and may even reduce arousal. Keep using your hands for more intense sensations. And if they like it… keep meeting their gaze – eye contact can be incredibly arousing.
Don’t be afraid to get vocal…
Sounds can be the icing on the cake for many people. Heavy breaths. Moaning. Vocalisation is not only an expression of pleasure that your partner can enjoy as feedback, it can also be a part of increasing your own pleasure. If you’re not vocal naturally, you may want to give it a try – some givers say seeing their partners getting more and more aroused as they’re getting vocal arouses them more, too. Try making sounds when giving head, and see how your partner reacts.
Make sure both you and your partner are comfortable…
You may spend a while exploring pleasure together and no one wants to be distracted from such an amazing experience because they’ve got a cramp or something is digging into their back. Do you have enough pillows? Is the temperature good for you both? How bright do you want the lights to be? What music do you want to listen to? If it’s not at home and you don’t have control over those elements, how can you make sure it’s still a comfortable experience that is as safe as possible for both of you? Think about your own comfort as the giver as well in terms of body position and availability of movement, and don’t be afraid to switch positions or take breaks.
In the end, there’s no single sequence that will work for everyone. It’s all about trying different things and finding what works best for you and your partner. Explore and – most importantly – have fun!
Angel (she/her) is a certified sex trainer. She knows 110 handjob and 38 blowjob techniques and teaches lovemaking secrets at secretsauceangel.com.